Feeling Liverish

I have found myself quite literally swelling out of my clothes since 12/21/2012. Feeling as bad as I have ever felt over the last few months seems a strange reaction to the grand shift of consciousness. My pet theory is that saints and buddhas are in fine shape, it is  it is the bottom one percent of the human consciousness that has to change. To do that, all the karmic sludge has to be brought to the surface to be processed. Where ever in their own field the shamanic practitioner is not clear, the energetic distortion acts much like the lint filter in the dryer, collecting karmic debris.  I tend to run my karmic sludge through my liver. Since my personal shamanic journey began as a search to transmute the miasm of cancer and other autoimmune disease  my ancestry carries, I’ve had a lot of energetic lint filters to clean. My mother’s death and dealing with the psychopathic element in my siblings has intensified this process. It has allowed a degree of healing in my physical body that was simply not possible when my mother was alive, but every time I confront the family miasm, it sends me into a health crisis.  What I have realized is that what appears as cancer in the physical body appears as addiction in the emotional body and greed in the mental body. All three are expressions of an insatiable mindless, parasitic appetite that has no qualms about devouring its host and environs.

This latest development was triggered by the last round in my efforts to actually get clear title to the piece of land I inherited from my mother. Finalizing that transaction legally is also a completion on the energetic level, and the mindless greed driving my siblings is resisting that with all their combined might. The way the conflict manifests in my body has been both frightening and infuriating  because I have only been able to manage it by lying down in one of the few positions that took pressure off of my portal vein. Most of the blood that enters the liver comes from the portal vein carrying blood from the spleen and gastrointestinal tract.  The lymph system also dumps into the liver. That means if your liver is obstructed, fluid is going to back up in the spleen,  build up in your abdomen, and eventually everywhere else.

It is a long-standing weak point for me, I have had circulatory issues since I was small. For many years, I’ve been able to manage these symptoms.  While I hated swimming because immersing myself in cold water caused such shocking pain in my midsection that I wanted to curl up in a small ball. Getting my head out of the water long enough to take a breath was misery until my body adjusted, but avoiding swimming is easy in New Mexico   A few years on I realized that I avoided opening and closing drawers because I was blacking out doing it, ditto for cleaning floors. and bending over the sink. I washed my face in the shower, and brushed my teeth in my pajamas so I didn’t wear toothpaste down my front all day.  By my late twenties I was blacking out on occasion when I was on horseback. While my own horse was fine with carrying me around regardless of my state of consciousness, when he died I finally had to face the fact that I could not train young horses if I was going to pass out whenever they moved suddenly.  Between then and now I have had an assortment of other urgent health issues, and the liver usually carries on without gross symptoms showing up until less than 10% is functional.

When I looked up liver functions on the internet I was, as usual,  appalled by my symptoms. Untreated obstructions can lead to a multitude of  liver disorders and eventually cirrhosis. Apparently I have had biliary obstruction since I was a toddler, again stemming from flying out the window of my mothers car after she drove in out  front of a truck and got broadsided. .The problem seems to be that I don’t exactly have gallstones. Instead the blockages  start with scar tissue from the original trauma and bleeding  and then bile backs up in  various lobes of my liver.  Over time, my liver reabsorbed most of the water leaving the solids behind, but they are not sufficiently different in density from the living tissue to show up in most medical imaging. Still, liver trauma from car accidents is common in children and that no one in the medical system noticed my liver was part of my debilitating health issues until I ran into a chiropractor who diagnosed it with a blood test  a couple of years ago is profoundly disturbing.  Even more disturbing is that western medicine has nothing much to offer some one in my position.  Surgery can remove gallstones, but it is nearly as traumatic as the original damage.  Surgeons are likely to cut away tissue with compromised circulation, since they can do  nothing to regenerate what has been damage. I don’t have health insurance and I don’t need more trauma to my body, especially when the results are of questionable benefit. Once again I have had to make my way through the wilderness of healing obscure, unrecognized, and life threatening illness on my own, with the occasional aid of alternative medicine.

(click for next)